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(Editor’s note:  If you have not read the background story to this devotional, please do so now by clicking on this link:  Oh, God, Not Me. All the devotionals this week flow out of that story.)

Life is like a maze.   It changes directions often,  it is impossible to know the direction it will go in the future, it can feel frustratingly endless.  At times, we find ourselves lost in the maze.  When I found myself lost in the maze of my life, standing frozen not knowing what was ahead, frustrated with emotional and physical exhaustion, I desperately sought an answer.  I needed something or someone to lead me on through the maze of life.  Bookstore after bookstore, both Christian and secular, counselors and friends, both Christian and not, others who have found themselves stuck in the maze of life…  How do I walk forward when all I see is the tragedy and permanent change placed in my life?

For you did not

receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear,

but you have received

the spirit of sonship [daughterhood of God]. 

And by Him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 

The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that

 we are God’s children.

Romans 8:15-1

Being led by the Spirit brings peace, ends worry, and lifts fear!

As I have continued to walk through the struggles, pain and unknown paths of my maze I have found comfort in the book of Job.  It was not with worldly knowledge or religious beliefs that Job had strength and faith.  It was the Spirit of God in Job assuring him of God’s love and promises, reminding him of God’s faithfulness in his and others lives.  Job’s friends used their own knowledge regarding Job’s suffering.  They were dead wrong.  It is the Spirit in a man that gives him understanding.  Not my mind or others answers, but the Spirit of God.

I will never forget the night I found myself face down at Jesus’ feet.  I had no answers;  I had the knowledge given to me by the doctors, religious guidance of well-meaning friends, and the encouragement of the worship service…but the absolute direction for my life still battled with my mind.  How?  Where?  Who? When?  All unknown!  Then the hand of God – slap – not in angry correction but as an awakening in my spirit saying:   Follow me…I will lead you…I will strengthen you…Trust me…Surrender!

I still shed many tears, I collapse on my bed in exhaustion, I ask God why, what does he have in store for me and others through this struggle, and how will I continue on.  The answer continues to be His promise, to be led by the Spirit. (Romans 8:14)

God didn’t enlighten me with the outcome of tomorrow and He hasn’t handed me the map to my maze.  No, it is as I daily, moment by moment surrender myself to His will, led by the Holy Spirit a step at a time.  Praise God for His promises!

God in giving us free will has left us free to be faithless.  Every gift can be refused, for God has given us the terrible responsibility of being to go our own way.  God doesn’t just step in to my walk and allow the Holy Spirit to take control.  Jesus didn’t force people to accept Him, trust Him, or follow Him.  In Luke 9:23, it says, If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  Surrender!

(Editor’s note:  If you have not read the background story to this devotional, please do so now by clicking on this link:  Oh, God, Not Me. All the devotionals this week flow out of that story.)

For we walk by faith, not by sight.

2 Corinthians 5:7

Walking by faith without the benefit of sight is extremely difficult to say the least and at times it seems impossible.  I have begged God to allow me sight, to see what is ahead, what I should do, what to expect.

When we have no answers, no plan, no reasoning of what to do next, we find ourselves totally needing God.  That is the time when we can grow intimately closer to God and in our dependence on Him.  If I walk by sight alone, I wouldn’t be challenged because I would stop my walk going forward due to limited sight.  My life would be controlled by me.  But if I walk by faith, I am able to go farther than I would ever believe possible.  My faith is limitless…God controlled.

My life plan, my walk, changed completely in an instant on that Spring morning, never to be the same again.  Walking by sight would have been an end…pull the plug on life support, accept my husband’s death, live in fear of the future.

Sometimes we think we want to walk by sight.  But if I had been able to see the difficult struggles ahead of me, I would have missed the blessings God had for me, the blessing of impacting others lives and of seeing the touch of Christ in their lives through a daily walk by faith alone.  If I had been able to see ahead, I would have emotionally and/or physically collapsed.

I praise God that I never walk alone, that as I surrender to His will and step out in faith my fears are lifted.  My human control is set free, the worries about the day and days to come are gone.  I never thought I would be praising God for a lack of sight, for not allowing me to see tomorrow.  But to God be the glory, I have!

From a lifeless man, broken and shattered, lying in a coma attached to a room full of machines to keep him alive, doctors telling a fear-stricken wife to pull the plug…  To a loving wife, sitting in church worshipping God, bowing her head in prayer over lunch as her husband prays in the local restaurant, seeing the smile on the waitress’ face as we share God’s promises with her…

Walking by faith is a blessing!

God is Healer

(Editor’s note:  If you have not read the background story to this devotional, please do so now by clicking on this link:  Oh, God, Not Me)

One of the verses wonderful Christian friends, church members, and even well meaning family members shared with me was:  By His stripes you are healed, found in I Peter 2:24.  I was told to just hold on to that promise.  You are healed.  Prayer and strong faith in God will heal your husband.  Don’t let Satan defeat you.  Through Brett’s healing, God will be glorified.

I have heard this verse used for healing of self and loved ones many times.  When my mom had cancer, when my 8 year-old daughter had a stroke, when my dearest friend watched her husband struggle with Hodgkins Lymphoma.  Well…my mom died; my daughter had several strokes, heart surgeries, and today is in 1st stage heart failure; my friend’s husband breathed his last breath as she held him in her arms.

Is I Peter 2:24 true?  Could I claim this promise that by His stripes you are healed?

I remember being alone in U of M’s family housing unit, kneeling by the bed, pleading with God.  My Bible was laid out in front of me…I was underlining Scripture, journaling, praying Scripture promise after promise to my God.   God you promised healing.  You allowed your own son to raise his best friend Lazarus from the dead.  You healed the blind man, made the lame walk, and stopped the woman’s bleeding with just a touch of your robe.  All things are possible with you! 

It was the darkest, heaviest, most desperate time in my life, prostrate, lying on the floor weeping, pleading promises of God.  Then, just like a hand upon my cheek…not an angry slapping hand, but a shocking slap to get my attention…God told me to listen!   Ok, Annette, I will answer your prayer.  Whatever you ask I will give you…if it is not my will you will carry the burden alone.  But, if you surrender to my will, you will know that I will never leave you or forsake you.  I will bring TRUE healing.

This was my prayer then and it still is today…God I want your will.  I totally surrender to your plan.  Give me love, strength, and a testimony.

What I received that evening was complete healing.  Spiritual healing.  Yes, God keeps His promises.  God would have given physical healing, I totally believe that…but God’s will was to bring spiritual healing.

God is a big-picture God.  Yes, He is in the details too, but to us as human beings, we are defined clearly by space and time.  God on the other hand is a big-picture God.  He looks at everything and works in the light of eternity.  We tend to be consumed with the present reality (cancer, heart failure, brain injury, death) and we can’t see in to the future.  We can’t even see around the next corner.  God is able to see in to the past, present, and future all at once.  At this very moment He comprehends Paul and Silas in the dark jail centuries ago, sitting with me at the U of M Trauma Burn Unit, crying with my friend who lost her child, and you reading these words this very moment.

When God led Peter to pen the verse by His stripes you are healed, God was able to see my healing right before His eternal eyes.  Whether that be my husband’s physical healing, or an ultimate healing with Spiritual life, renewal, and eternity, God can see it all.

By His stripes we were healed.  His promise was fulfilled.  Christ’s love, God’s strength, and the Holy Spirit’s testimony…the answer to my prayers for God’s will then and now.

I Peter 2:19:  A person might have to suffer even when it is unfair, but if he thinks of God and can stand the pain, God is pleased.

I Peter 2:20:  If you are beaten for doing wrong, there is no reason to praise you for being patient in your situation.  But if you suffer for doing good, and you are patient, then God is pleased.

I Peter 2:24:  Christ carried our sins in his body on the cross so we would stop living for sin and start living for what is right.  And by his stripes you are healed.

O God, Not Me!

Editor’s Note:  We are in the midst of a series asking the question Who is God?  The daily devotionals this week flow straight out of real life, a real woman’s inspirational story and how God was revealed to her in the midst of tragedy.  Please read on…

Memorial Weekend, 2005…Chelsea was overwhelmed with excitement.  With her permit in hand she ran down the walk to take her first drive with Dad.  Seat belt on, mirrors adjusted, gauges checked and ignition on…they were ready.  Daddy’s little girl was taking her first step toward adulthood, the first drive.

There were smiles on all our faces as the red Ford Ranger accelerated down the driveway with a nervous daughter and a very proud dad at her side.  Peace, calm, cool breeze, fragrant flowers and the smell of newly cut grass.  A memorable moment…little did we realize how memorable.

Really? (buzzzz)  Who’s calling? (buzzzz)  It can wait! (buzz).  I look down to see who was so persistent.  The number on the cell was Chelsea’s.

I killed Daddy, I killed Daddy, don’t come, I killed Daddy…

Silence shatters my world while my daughter’s screams hit my heart.  Disbelief and shock course through me as I run to the house.

Oh, God, not me!

Through two days in trauma ER, 5 weeks in coma, laying almost lifeless in the Trauma Burn Unit ICU…

Through 3 months of praying and striving for life, living at U of M Hospital in the rehab unit…

Through a torn aorta, shattered left side, 16 pins to rebuild his left arm, fractured skull, hip surgery, no feeling from waist down, permanent brain damage, unable to speak, read, write…

Trusting God’s heart, I prayed with struggling steps, all the way through bringing my husband back to our home.  A home he didn’t remember, void of memories, rooms filled with kind people he didn’t know, pictures on the walls of strangers he would learn to believe are his family.

In all those times I cried out… Oh, God, not me!  How could this happen in our life, our family, our future…  God held me, comforted me, and remained faithful and patient with me.

Oh, God…Not me!

The same cry, but now a whole new meaning!  The burden and life changes ahead were in God’s control, in His hands, in His purpose.  It was God, not me!  Praise Jesus!

Who is God?  My God is Righteous and He calls me to Righteousness.  I can be righteous by following His perfect example of love.  Because He loves me, I want to exhibit my love in return to Him.   Acting towards others in God’s kind of love and mercy is the RIGHT thing to do.

How many of you grew up hearing an adult telling you that actions speak louder than words? The Bible tells us the same thing. Righteousness is acting in an upright, moral way. Righteousness is being virtuous. There are eyes all around us, watching us. God IS love and He wants us to take the love that He showers on us and share it with those around us.

1 Corinthians 13: 1-8a

 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love,

I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge;

and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains,

but do not have love, I am nothing.

 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor,

and if I surrender my body to be burned,

but do not have love, it profits me nothing. 

 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;

love does not brag and is not arrogant,  does not act unbecomingly;

it does not seek its own, is not provoked,

does not take into account a wrong suffered,

 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

 Love never fails.

How can you show all that you come across today God’s love and mercy? Are you speaking righteousness through your actions?

Dear God, thank you for the ladies who have spent this week with the words that You have provided for us. Thank you for Your gift of love and that we may pass it on to others. Please show us how to share Your love.  Amen.

My God Heals

Who is God?  My God Heals—God provides the healing I need for spiritual, physical, emotional and mental sickness.  God can and does bring healing—in His time and in His way (not always the same as our way).

As I shared on Tuesday’s blog, I suffer from PCOS, the most common endocrine disorder – and it’s incurable. Now, being a child of the Great Physician, I know that if God were to choose to deliver me from PCOS He could. Because He has not yet chosen to provide physical healing I have had to accept my diagnosis. He is however providing emotional healing in the face of my physical ailment.

I went through a period of time where I was at a 1 on the peace scale. But I have come to place where I choose to praise God and thank Him for what I do have instead of wallowing in what I might be missing out on. He isn’t punishing me for something that I have done or might do in the future; He is allowing me to go through something so that I might grow closer to Him.

Psalm 103: 1-5

 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
 Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
 Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
 Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

Where do you need healing? Take some time to search yourself and ask God where you might be hurting and thank Him for what you are going through. Thank Him for the opportunity to lean into his everlasting arms. He loves us and wants us to lean on Him and draw on His strength and grace. He will renew you and lift you up! The healing process is not always quick, but take heart… He will heal you in His time! Please read these verses from Isaiah 40 before you pray, and rest in His promise!

 Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

Who is God?  My God is Accessible—God is not contained or limited.

How much more accessible could God be to the people of the earth? He sent His Son to live among us! He walked the earth and sailed the waters, just as we still do today. He came to earth, taught the words of the Father, died for our sins, defeated death by rising from the grave, ascended to heaven and sits on the right hand of God’s throne.

Although Christ is no longer walking on the earth, He is here with us. His words in Matthew 28: 18-20 says:  ”And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, ‘All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,  teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.’”

When Jesus left the earth to live in Heaven, He didn’t leave us alone. Some people may call it “conscience” but Jesus called it His Holy Spirit. John 16: 4-11 tells us:  ”But these things I have spoken to you, so that when their hour comes, you may remember that I told you of them. These things I did not say to you at the beginning, because I was with you.  But now I am going to Him who sent Me; and none of you asks Me, ‘Where are You going?’  But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart. 7 But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you.  And He, when He comes, will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment;  concerning sin, because they do not believe in Me;  and concerning righteousness, because I go to the Father and you no longer see Me;  and concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world has been judged.”

Please remember that you have a direct line to God. He may not be face to face with you across the table over a cup of coffee, but He reads all of His “Knee Mail!”

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