To summarize, we need to consistently focus on changing our own hearts to please God first and foremost. Then, as we step forward once again on our pathway to health we want to embrace a humble attitude of grace and forgiveness towards the person or circumstance that has hurt us.

But along that pathway, our natural inclination sometimes urges us to just plain avoid people or circumstances that are hard. Peace feels too hard or impossible so we avoid challenges without really going through the process of leaning on God for His specific direction in our specific circumstance.

Consider these two questions as you think about boundaries in your own life:  How far are you willing to go to have peace?  Would you be willing to sacrifice your own comfort for the cause of Christ?

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” Romans 14:19

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”   Ephesians 5:1,2

The Lord is willing and ready to guide us into our right course of action on our pathway to emotional health. His guidance is there for us if we will prayerfully seek Him.

Think about the difficult and broken relationships in your life.  Consider the areas of responsibilities where you struggle.  If boundaries and distance will bring about God’s will, may we prayerfully follow God’s direction today. But if gentle pursuit of peace or personal sacrifice and discomfort is God’s plan, God help us to be obedient!

Healthy boundaries allow us to freely forgive.

Forgiveness is truly one of the most beautiful aspects of embracing healthy boundaries.  With appropriate and clear boundaries, I have the strength to move forward personally through forgiving, by releasing others from their bad choices that have bled out in to my life.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  Ephesians 4:32

~I will forgive through Christ’s power and strength. I know I can’t do this on my own, but I know that Christ wants me to be free, no longer burdened and so I lean on Him for the ability to forgive.  Forgiveness releases that other person from having to make payment or restitution to me, and disconnects me more than anything else possibly can from another person’s chain of poisonous choices.

I have been locked up in someone else’s chain of poisonous choices before, and not by anything I would have chosen or through fault of my own.  Hateful words and unkind actions snake out quickly and can incapacitate me if I allow them to do so.  But through the process of forgiving, I no longer have to be bound up tight and rendered useless.  When I begin to feel a chain of someone else’s choices wrapping around my heart and my mind, I can choose to identify the issue, I can choose to forgive in Christ’s power, and I can step forward in freedom.

~Giving forgiveness does not mean I purposefully expose myself or others under my care to physical, emotional or spiritual harm. In these circumstances, I will pray for that person from a safe distance and limit contact to healthy amounts of time.

I have someone in my life who illustrates this concept.  Months ago, as I walked away from yet another conversation with “Jo” feeling side-swiped and emotionally bruised, I was frustrated that no matter how kind I tried to be the relationship was sour and bitter.  Later, after some time thinking through the situation, I felt God’s direction to forgive her (again) but to limit my contact with her; in other words, I have to maintain healthy boundaries for my own heart (Proverbs 4:23). Though I still occasionally have contact with her, by forgiving and limiting our time together I enjoy a greater level of personal peace and health.

If you have time today, I encourage you to look up I Samuel 26:2-24.  It is a Biblical illustration of how David kept very clear boundaries from King Saul who habitually tried to harm David.  Take note in verses 21 and 22 of how King Saul says “all the right stuff” and invites David back in to relationship with him, yet David wisely keeps a healthy boundary in place even as he lives out an attitude of forgiveness towards King Saul.

Absolutely!  Healthy boundaries actually promote fresh growth and excitement in our lives.  

Healthy boundaries free us to truly love and serve others without it being a burden. Not too many people would actually admit that loving and serving others is a burden, but how many of us feel bone weary at the thought of one more thing on our do-for-others list.  How many of us have enough margin, enough freedom in our lives so that when a great opportunity presents, we are able to participate without it being a burden?  Typically, we are either unable to participate, or we cram the project in to an already chaotic schedule, or we choose to back out of previous commitments to try and make it happen.  Not an ideal scenario.

Here are some diagnostic questions to ask ourselves:

~Does my schedule have regular times for my own personal spiritual growth?  Is my alone-time with God penciled in or is it firm?

~Am I looking for opportunities to spiritually serve others in my schedule over the next month or is my schedule all about what I want and need?

~Is there anything in my schedule that is either extra, or has perhaps lived out its usefulness and is just taking up my valuable time?

~Is there a commitment that I can hand off to another person right now so that I will have the flexibility to step in to the next opportunity God has planned for me?  (Note:  This can also allow opportunities for that old responsibility you carried to be refreshed and revived under different leadership.)

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Gal. 5:1  God desires us to have healthy boundaries so we can be free to love!

The discussion continues tomorrow on how we can move towards the goal of healthy boundaries…hope you join us!

I need to be honest with myself!

As we start this process of discovering which boundaries are healthy and which are not, we need to prayerfully take an honest evaluation of our relationships and commitments.  Do my relationships and commitments enslave and burden me or do they reflect a knowledge that I am  loved and free in Christ?

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”  John 15:13

God’s love was lived out to the fullest extent when Christ died on the cross to pay for our sins.  That amazing act of love paved the way for each of us to experience new birth and new life through relationship with Him. By trusting in Jesus’ death for us, we are set free.  And Jesus broke through all kinds of boundaries for this reason:

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Gal. 5:1

There are many ways Christ’s death sets us free.  We are freed to enjoy eternal life!  We are freed to live a life of purpose and meaning.  And healthy boundaries are based on the freedom we can find in Christ.

How might I feel when I embrace the knowledge that Christ has set me free?

Loved!  Confident!  Strong!  Secure!

These are feelings not found in anything I can do, but are based on a firm grasp of what I can be IN CHRIST because He has set me free.  These are feelings that can help us as we prayerfully consider what boundaries are healthy in our life and what boundaries need some work.

Let’s place our boundary decisions, the healthy and the unhealthy, before the Lord.  Let’s ask Him to direct us in His love towards boundaries that are freeing and are pleasing to Him.

The discussion continues tomorrow on how we can move towards the goal of healthy boundaries…hope you join us!

Put honor and respect in their appropriate place!  As we honor God first in our lives and offer respect for God’s beloved creation (others and ourselves) we are more likely to experience healthy boundaries.

With every decision we make during the day, good things naturally result when we honor God as “Most Important” in our lives. Most of my unhealthy boundaries come about because I am more concerned with what others want me to do, and I am less concerned about what God would have me do in a particular relationship or decision. Pleasing God first in my decision-making glorifies Him and leads me forward in emotional health that doesn’t depend on what others think.

Healthy boundaries demonstrate my respect towards others as I enjoy realistic relationships.  People with good boundaries don’t place expectations on others that they are unable to carry out.  So often we expect others to always be there for us, as support, etc. No one but God deserves or is able to handle that level of responsibility or honor in my life.

Healthy boundaries also show respect for ourselves as we accept that God created us with purpose and we are a unique creation loved by Him.  With that understanding, I am better equipped  to stand firm against the various challenges I face each day with my boundary issues.

“…We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.”  I Thessalonians 2:4

“May the God of peace…equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him…”  Hebrews 13:20,21

The conversation continues tomorrow on how we can move towards the goal of healthy boundaries…hope you join us!